Well hello there, welcome to yet another Friday…and another edition of The Friday List
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Today I am going to share a few observations that I have collected over they years while jetting from place to place. And when I say “jetting” what I really mean is laughing with glee as I book an insanely cheap flight & satisfyingly tell everyone I know on facebook & beyond how I just got the.most.awesome.flight.deal, follwed by cursing in my mind as I sit squeezed in the middle seat with no armrest space near the bathroom after waiting in line FOREVER since it’s an “open seating policy” after being forced to gate-check my carry containing valueables & breakables since the woman behind the counter has laser vision into my brain and can tell I will put up a good verbal fight to contest this & therefore make her day slightly more victorious for her as she hands me the red baggage claim sticker with a smile.
In other words, today I’m going to talk about traveling by air. It’s rather fitting, too, since I’ll be on an airplane in just a few short hours, jetting off to Madrid for the weekend. {This flight cost less than 100 euros round-trip & has already been cancelled by the airline once.}
een. Alright businessman with briefcase & rolling bag. Can we talk about why you must wait until it is your turn to walk through the metal detector before you begin to remove your laptop. Your fancy tablet. Your cell phone. Your keys. Your wallet. Your shoes. Your belt {oh the belt! you almost forgot}. And then the liquids. And the neatly folded plastic bag in which to place the liquids that your wife packed.
{Let me just get this straight. You just waited in the same 30 minute line I did to pass through security and you’re still surprised when it’s your turn? Wait, this metal detector will sense my belt too??}
twee. Oh hi there, I can see that you are in a hurry from the way you are standing, shifting your weight like you have to use the bathroom. Do you know you’re in an airport? And see this line of a million people? Yeah, they are in front of us both. So if you stand right behind me breathing heavily on my backpack glaring into the back of my head, we are in fact going to move slower.
It’s kind of a fact.
Consequently, I might now decide to take my sweet time as we inch forward, leaving just enough space between myself & the person in front of me to make you wonder if it is enough space for somone to CUT in line, the absurdity!
drie. Why must we rush to board the plane? Do people really want to spend more time on the aircraft? {“YES! I was the 2nd person to board my flight today!” – this is definitely a real life facebook status somewhere.} I don’t know about you, but I prefer the floor to ceiling windows & legroom in the gate area as opposed to circular plastic openings & my backpack on top of my feet. But I guess I am outnumbered on this once since people flock to get their boarding cards scanned like screaming teens vying for an autograph from a pop star.
You guys know we all have seats, right? This isn’t a game of Sardines or anything, no one is hiding & the last person isn’t eliminated from the flight.
vier. During the flight, please keep your shoes & socks on your feet. If that is too much to ask, at least put them back when you go to the bathroom. {Yes, I have seen people go to the bathroom barefoot.}
vijf. On my last flight back to Amsterdam from the states, I innocently sat in my own seat minding my own business. And then I could feel these eyes on me. I looked to my right and had to restrain myself from flinching in startle-ment {not a word, now it is} as I realized the girl next to me was smiling & waiting for me to shake her hand.
“I’m Kate.”
I stare.
“I’m tired,” was what I wanted to say,
but I thought twice, realizing she could easily dominant our shared armrest for the whole six hours if I played my cards wrong
{remember I am in the middle seat} so I simply replied, “I’m Ellen”
and went back to digging through my bag for my headphones. We talked a good bit, it was fine, she was entertaining at least, since the second thing out of her mouth was “I’ve had too much wine”.
ELZ’s unsolicited advice: If you really need someone to talk to during your flight, fly with a friend. Which is exactly what I was doing during this flight, so I had a witness to this awkward interaction: “Do you want to watch a movie with me on my iPad? I have headphone splitters.” says Kate.
zes. I am so glad that you are deep in conversation, really, I am. But could you please not block the entire width of the moving sidewalk by standing shoulder to shoulder? Some people like to actually move, on the moving sidewalk.
zeven. Oh I get it. You all rush to board the plane so you can stand in the aisle for HOURS while you slowly remove your coat, since the airport is outside (not), and then strategically place your items in the overhead bin…even though something could fit underneath your seat to save space for others.
acht. Speaking of the overhead bins, PLEASE TELL ME HOW YOU BECAME MORE IMPORTANT THAN EVERYONE ELSE ON THIS FLIGHT SINCE ONLY YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BRING FOUR CARRY-ONS. We all can see how many bags you have. You aren’t sneaky or cool or beating the system, you’re rude.
negen. Let’s talk about reclining your seat. Can you not do that on short flights? There is a point at which the annoyance of the person behind you exceeds the comfort you receive from a few more degrees. Think of it as your good deed for the day.
tien. Not to sound like a broken record here, but back to jumping the gun: why does everyone instantly stand up once the plane is at the gate? People, just chill out. You have to wait for everyone in front of you to get off, so why not relax for a sec instead of standing, crookedly, with one hand touching the outside of the closed overhead bin containing your four bags, as if you are claiming it? It’s not gunna get you off this plane any faster my friend.
And that’s all she wrote.
Happy weekend! We are dashing off to Madrid to eat lots of good food & drink lots of good drinks. See you on Monday.
